The things about teaching.

When I received the news that I was posted here, in this school, in Pedalaman Dua, I had never contemplate on whether I should go or not.

All I knew was that I needed to go for a few reasons.

First, I believe that this is the time to ‘pay back’ the money that I have spent on travelling, on clothes, on food, on movies, on shoes and many other things in the duration of five and a half years of studying a degree course. I receive a full scholarship, never once that I needed to pay for any school fees or something like that. So this is the time, no matter where , it is time to pay back.

Secondly, if I had declined this or if I didn’t go to the school which I’m posted to, I myself would stick the ‘SELFISH’ label on my forehead. IMHO, sometimes it is not about you and the world does not revolve around you alone, but it is the fact that people in different places may need your help, your guidance and your knowledge to improve, to make something better or to live a better life. In this case, the children needs you  to provide them knowledge that they are lack access of other than from the teachers. The teachers also need you for whatever that you have, to help them in whichever way is possible.

Thirdly, I know that I get paid for teaching and the pay that I received at the end of every month is a reward for what I have gave. But, deep down inside, having to teach in a school situated in a rural area, I knew that this is could be a humanitarian effort. Teaching in a school like this one could limit you from resources and other facilities. However, you’ll make yourself get use to it and you teach yourself to work with what you have. You have to fork your own money, buy books for the children that you teach, have a few pencils handy because you know these children may not even have one.

When I first came here, we were relying on generators which would start at 6pm and ends just before midnight. That’s the only time when we had electricity. Up till today, we still rely on the rain water that we gather in tanks. Sometimes, our skin and our health had to suffer from having to use rain water, but it is better than having nothing at all. Between March and June last year, our solar hybrid had a major failure that we lived in the dark every single day. We were only able to use the solar for Schoolnet and that was very limited. I was lucky that a colleague of mine had already married and his wife stays with him. Every night after Isya’, I would go to their house, had dinner, chatted for a while, slept in the extra room that they have and went back to my place just after Subuh.

It was tough.

Earlier in the year, I planned for a transfer. However as the application for transfer was open, I did not even filled in the form. I did not even applied for it. Partly because I have not been confirmed yet but  I was also telling myself that I wanted to see how my children have improved and how they have progressed.

The children became part of my life. Teaching became something that I enjoyed this year even though I teach around three to four hours every day. No more combined class this year thus I am able to focus on their ability, what they need and what they should know according to their age group. Tiring, but much easier.

One thing that I noticed as I go into my second year of teaching is that children do not show that they have improved in a very short of time. Last year, there were times when I almost gave up teaching them because they just could not obtain what have been taught. At times I asked myself where did I go wrong because it was just painfully hard to make them understand little things. This year, when one boy can actually read and when most of them could recall what they have learnt in the past year, I just knew that my effort have been paid off. These little things surprised me yet it never fails to lit a smile on my face.

I was called to write about this after watching ‘We are The World’ by Artists for Haiti. It was a collaboration by various artist for the children of Haiti, to boost their spirits after the unfortunate event that had happened to them.

The lyrics gave me shivers. As I listened to the song, I could very much relate to our roles as teachers.

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

We are wherever we are because we need to ‘give’ to the children in whichever place that we are in now.  The knowledge that we have and we provide them, the the guidance that we have to lead them, the hope that we have in them, the feeling of care and love that we have for them will shape our children to become a better person and lead a better life.

Seeing our children pass a test, seeing them being able to count, to read and write or even utter a few simple words in English will definitely make a teacher’s day.

So let’s start giving because it is true that we will make a better day.

🙂

Regret is impossible to avoid.

I know for a fact that it over my own carelessness that now my iPhone is missing.

I know for a fact that there are reasons why the iPhone is now missing.

I know for a fact that Allah has something else reserved for me.

I also know for a fact to look at this matter positively.

I know for a fact that there is a silver lining behind every cloud.

I am not mourning over the lost iPhone. I did not cry bucket of tears when I noticed that the phone was not in the car. Yes, I did shed a few tears. And it was because I was talking to the people I love most, when I was telling them how the phone went missing and the words that they provide to give me comfort.

But, no matter how positive I look at things, it is impossible not to feel regret or ‘terkilan’ over the lost of something valuable.

It is impossible not to feel regret or ‘terkilan’ over something that you earned using your hardship money.

It is impossible not to feel regret or ‘terkilan’ over something that contains some memories of yours with your loved ones and the memories are now gone with the phone.

When I wrote some statuses on my Facebook, I received variety of comments. Some eased me a lot while some made me feel rather ‘angry’ or ‘terkilan’.

Asking me to ‘cool’, to ‘relax’, that does not help. Telling me ‘losing an iPhone is better than losing your car’ does not help either.

Are you telling me that it’s ok to regret or feel sad over losing your car but it is not ok to feel sad or regret over a missing iPhone?

Come on la.

The above status was status number three that I wrote about the missing iPhone. First, you tell me to reflect on things that I may have overlooked and overdone, and then you suggest  to do one thing that is not even funny in this situation.

Not being helpful. At all.

FYI, I am not THAT desperate.

I know I wrote three statuses about the missing iPhone. But if you are in my shoe, you can’t help it either, can you?

You can’t help to think about your missing precious item that it appeared in your dreams two nights in a row. You can’t stop yourself from searching the car over and over again hoping to find the missing iPhone. It brings no harm to me, and certainly will bring no harm to you.

I know that this entry will eventually appear on my Facebook. If you feel offended just by reading this, don’t bother. This is just how I felt after reading your comments and at the moment of writing this.

Goodbye for now.

Lost.

I am blogging from King Park Hotel in Tawau.

In about an hour, we’ll check out and head back to Sandakan. Will probably stop in Lahad Datu for lunch and refill of fuel.

We reached Tawau the day before yesterday and went to Semporna yesterday.

Planned to spend a night in Semporna, where the sea is beautiful and breathtaking, but all hotels are fully booked.

And so we went back to Tawau and stayed for another night.

The trip was ok. I had fun. I was excited. But, having to lost something valuable when we were on our way here made me feel rather emotion-less about this trip.

As you might have known, I lost my iPhone.

The last time I remembered holding it was when we stopped at a mosque near Bukit Garam. I remembered holding it as I went into the car. I wanted to put at the little compartment at the door as it was accessible if I need to make any calls but I told myself not to put it there yet, because the door was still open and the phone might fall.

I remembered still holding the phone as I eased myself in to the car.

And next was all history.

It was almost an hour later that I noticed the phone was not there. Or in the car.

We stopped by the side and searched. No iPhone.

We drove back to the mosque. As expected, it was nowhere to be found.

We even went to the police station in case someone honest found the phone and sent it to the police station. The officer in charge told me that I was lucky if that person was hones to send it to them. She even told us to use the bomoh to see who took my phone.

We searched the car again, and yet we found nothing.

It was weird because I did not hear the sound of things fell on the road or something like that, if it had fell when I closed the door.

We searched the car again when we reached Tawau. Nothing.

🙁

As for now, I’m using my Nokia 1680 and a temporary Celcom number.

And I’m still thinking whether to buy another iPhone or to get any other phone.

Maybe another iPhone because I am still bounded by the two-years iValue Plan contract with Maxis.

I still have another 19 months to go.

Huks.

It used to be ‘His and Hers’. Now, the only left is ‘His’.

I dreamt about the phone for two nights now.

The night before, I dreamt that I found the iPhone cover at the mosque where we first stopped. The person just took the phone and left the rubbery purple cover there.

Last night, I dreamt that I found my iPhone, with the cover still on, in between the car seat and the hand brake.

I’m wondering if last night’s dream would come true.

:-S

I love last weekend.

I have actually got my hands on Lily. In gold and brown, not the colour that I stated in previous entry. I don’t mind really, because Lily in gold and chocolate was also pretty.

But one thing I love most was the fact that Lily was delivered by hand.

By Encik Dell saya. Which means, he was in Sandakan last weekend.

Hiks.

Apart from Lily, I also got my hands on Choc Chip Cookies with Pecan and Choc Chip Cookies with Macadamia from Famous Amos,  McDonalds’ McMuffin with egg, Aizat’s CD Percubaan Pertama dan Capdase car charger to replace my car charger that went missing while having my car shipped here.

Now that I have a car, the weekends was spent driving around Sandakan while running a few errands together. Bahagia ok.

Hiks.

Also, I finally get to eat scones with cream and jam which I have been craving for awhile. Maybe The English Tea House will become our favourite dating spot in Sandakan. Because En Dell likes it there and I love the scones.

Hiks.

Daa.

p/s: Thank you for coming, sayang.