A Decision Needed.

Posted on by under Emotions Revealed

I thought that there will be no more of internal/ personal crisis after I submitted the posting form months ago. I thought that I made it clear to everyone where I want to teach. I thought I have rest my case. Not until I received an SMS from my mother, asking me this,

‘Sekolah ma ada kosong guru BI tahun depan. Nak ke?’ (There’s a vacancy for english teacher in my school next year. Do you want it?)

*scratch head*

Do I want it? The offer is tempting enough, I have to admit. Life is a bliss if I accepted her offer. There’s no need to worry about the accommodation, transport, food and what not. I can stay with her, I can go to school with her, I can return home with her, I can still eat her cooking, I can save tons of money and I can have my Honda City parked in the driveway by June next year. Sounds wonderful, yeah. But here’s the catch. She’s the Guru Besar and you are going to work with / under her.

I can’t imagine working with my own mother, in the same school. I can’t imagine the expectation that people have of me since I am the daughter of the Guru Besar. Personally, I wouldn’t want those kind of expectations in the first few years of teaching. I want to try living in new places. I have my own reasons for choosing those places that I stated in my posting form. Plus, my mother has my eldest sister staying with her at home.

I may sound selfish. You may say that I am lucky enough to be offered such thing, especially when everyone else want to teach in their hometown. But, true as it sounds, this is not what I want. I can simply say no but it’s not going to be easy. The fact it is your mother who made the offer and the fact that your father is no longer with you, surely she wants you to be close to her.

My heart leans on rejecting the offer but my head says a different thing. I wanted to follow what my heart says yet I am left contemplating. I don’t know. I have not replied her SMS, I just could not bring myself to do so.

Huks.

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Sometimes, I wish that Ayah is still around for things will be different if he was still alive. I miss you.

17th October 2008. 17 months.

Al-Fatihah

12 Thoughts.

  1. Siannyer..camana ek?Boleh ke anak cikgu skolah skali ngan maknyer?Takut ada conflict of interest..unless kalau buat praktikal kat situ no hal..Ayo!very hard to decide…pity you..ALIN, FOLLOW YOUR HEART & BE STRONG.

    Reply

  2. Siannyer..camana ek?Boleh ke anak cikgu skolah skali ngan maknyer?Takut ada conflict of interest..unless kalau buat praktikal kat situ no hal..Ayo!very hard to decide…pity you..ALIN, FOLLOW YOUR HEART & BE STRONG.

    Reply

  3. There are pros & cons on both sides…
    But if working at a different school is your desire & you are willing to give up pleasure or even sacrifice for it…
    Go ahead… Follow your heart’s calling.

    Reply

  4. There are pros & cons on both sides…
    But if working at a different school is your desire & you are willing to give up pleasure or even sacrifice for it…
    Go ahead… Follow your heart’s calling.

    Reply

  7. Thank you everyone. I guessed I already know what I want. It’s just that I was giving myself some time to think things over.

    Thank you for your love and support.

    Reply

  8. Thank you everyone. I guessed I already know what I want. It’s just that I was giving myself some time to think things over.

    Thank you for your love and support.

    Reply

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