Category Archives: Emotions Revealed

A Decision Needed.

Posted on by under Emotions Revealed

I thought that there will be no more of internal/ personal crisis after I submitted the posting form months ago. I thought that I made it clear to everyone where I want to teach. I thought I have rest my case. Not until I received an SMS from my mother, asking me this,

‘Sekolah ma ada kosong guru BI tahun depan. Nak ke?’ (There’s a vacancy for english teacher in my school next year. Do you want it?)

*scratch head*

Do I want it? The offer is tempting enough, I have to admit. Life is a bliss if I accepted her offer. There’s no need to worry about the accommodation, transport, food and what not. I can stay with her, I can go to school with her, I can return home with her, I can still eat her cooking, I can save tons of money and I can have my Honda City parked in the driveway by June next year. Sounds wonderful, yeah. But here’s the catch. She’s the Guru Besar and you are going to work with / under her.

I can’t imagine working with my own mother, in the same school. I can’t imagine the expectation that people have of me since I am the daughter of the Guru Besar. Personally, I wouldn’t want those kind of expectations in the first few years of teaching. I want to try living in new places. I have my own reasons for choosing those places that I stated in my posting form. Plus, my mother has my eldest sister staying with her at home.

I may sound selfish. You may say that I am lucky enough to be offered such thing, especially when everyone else want to teach in their hometown. But, true as it sounds, this is not what I want. I can simply say no but it’s not going to be easy. The fact it is your mother who made the offer and the fact that your father is no longer with you, surely she wants you to be close to her.

My heart leans on rejecting the offer but my head says a different thing. I wanted to follow what my heart says yet I am left contemplating. I don’t know. I have not replied her SMS, I just could not bring myself to do so.

Huks.

************************************************************************************************

Sometimes, I wish that Ayah is still around for things will be different if he was still alive. I miss you.

17th October 2008. 17 months.

Al-Fatihah

Malaysian Taxi Drivers

Posted on by under Daily Scribbles, Emotions Revealed

(Open door) Jalan Pantai Baru? Dekat UM, Stadium Hoki.

(Shake head) Tak pegilah.

And after almost 10 taxi drivers that were asked the same question and gave us the same reply, we got fed up. Seriously, we were doing our best to keep cool. Then, when this particular taxi had finally agreed to send us back to IPBA (then to KL Sentral), he scolded us for not lining up at the queue. We explained that we did queued but it seemed that no taxi would take us to where we want to go, that we ended up somewhere near Dome after asking one taxi after another. We were at the South Court of Mid Valley, by the way. And so he told us why.

“MId Valley and Jalan Pantai Baru sangat dekat, tak berbaloi nak amik penumpang. Saya sendiri pon kadang-kadang tak ambik sebab saya tunggu untuk passengers lama, kalau yang nak pegi dekat-dekat ni rugi saja.”

Errrrrrr, and you call yourself a taxi driver? I told him that ‘dekat pon duit juga’. Why on earth you have to be so particular about the distance? That is how you gain money for living. Just take us where we want to go. As simple as that. It does not mean that if we live nearby we are not going to pay you. Yes, it is considered less money as compared to other people who needs to go somewhere further. But we need a ride in the taxi too.

Currently, taxi is my everyday ride. I took a taxi through and fro school. Each morning, I stood at the taxi stand, sticked my hand out at the risk of being hit by other vehicle, opened the door only to know that they won’t take any passengers to Taman Tun. Like, what? You can simply get RM10 from us for each ride, but you choose not to.

As far as I’m concerned, as told by one particular taxi driver, taxi drivers are supposed to take you anywhere, yes, ANYwhere you want to go. They not supposed to reject you or that kind of things. Once you opened the door, that’s it. If it is Jalan Pantai Baru, Jalan Pantai Baru is where you are going. If it is Taman Tun, then Taman Tun is where you are heading. No giving excuses that it is too near or the traffic is congested. Hey, we are going to pay you after all.

Their attitude really, really turned me off. But, current situation disallowed me from not using their service. Seems that this is the only thing I could do. Brag and brag about it.

And to some taxi drivers, ‘You Sucks!’

*UPDATED*

And to add to the suckiness of yesterday’s taxi drivers, as usual I took a taxi back home from school. Normally, we would either take the PJ-Federal Highway/UM route or the Bangsar-Jalan Bukit Pantai route. This normal route has cost us RM6.80 (the least) and RM10.00 (the most, usually when traffic is congested). However, this particular taxi driver thought that we are stupid enough and used the Damansara-KL Sentral-Jalan Bangsar route instead. We paid RM12.00 for today’s ride back to IPBA. Almost twice the cheapest price we have ever paid. Eh hello, you think this is our first trip from Taman Tun to IPBA eh? Simply using the long route instead of the normal route. You suck la Uncle. I don’t mean to be rude, but yeah, you suck.

Puhlease lah.

There were more stories about the suckiness of taxi drivers, one who used his own way of charging us instead of the meter and another one who said he doesn’t know the route to Taman Tun and simply charged us RM20.00 (again without meter) because of the traffic jam. But hey, don’t let me start on that one. Enough swearing for today.

Some people are just mean.

Read more about the suckiness of Malaysian public transport here.

Selamat Hari Jadi V

Posted on by under Emotions Revealed, Kindred and Lineage

[1] In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

[2] Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;

[3] Most Gracious, Most Merciful;

[4] Master of the Day of Judgment.

[5] Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek,

[6] Show us the straight way,

[7] The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

Dear Ayah,

Things are definitely different without you being here with us. Last Saturday was exactly a year. I wanted to write about you, but I can’t bring myself to do so.

You know, Ayah, there are so many things that I wanted to tell you. Two weeks ago, I’ve sat for my exams and there will be no more exams after this. I cried as I handed in the last paper. I cried because you were not there to witness, or to be told that I have finished the exams. I am used to calling you after exams saying that I’m done with them. Hence, not being able to do so bring tears to my eyes. I will start my practicum somewhere at the end of next month. I have been placed at a school in TTDI. It seems far, but I’ll think we’ll manage. I’ve reminded myself to perform during practicum. I must at least impress my students or the school. And then impress you, and make you proud of me.

As for today, I have just finished a cricket course and will receive a coaching certificate. Which means, I am qualified to coach students. Matches were played under the hot sun to put into practise what we have learned and my team won, Ayah. I finally hit some bowls during the finals and scored some points for my team. The other team was trying to be psychotic with me, not the whole team, but some particular people. But that didn’t put my spirit down. I was even more determined to play. I bowled harder, I gave them a fast ball. I hit their wicket. One batsman down. I gave them another good bowl. It hit their bat, and off they go. Out of the game even before their over is up. Guess what, in all three matches that I played, I hit the opponent’s wicket. Put them down straight away. My arms and shoulders hurt, but it was all worth it.

I’ve chosen my posting area. If luck is on my side, I’ll get a school in the area I’ve requested. I was confused and lost when I need to decide the area. I cried a few times, for I believed that nobody understand the reasons why I choose that area. Assumptions were made, Ayah. And I was sad, disappointed. I have my own reasons. I’ve clearly stated them. But in the end, they said that I have another reason for choosing those areas. A reason which has never crossed my mind. And that hurts even more. If you were still here, you would have given me the strength and support, and you would approve my decisions. I would have you to defend the things I did. But I understand that it is not the same anymore. It won’t be the same.

Ayah, I miss you a lot. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. The other day, I dreamt about you. I was talking to you, I was telling you about what’s been happening in my life. You were smiling as you listened. Then, you lost it. You died. I woke up in a shock. I told myself that you are still alive and nothing bad is going to happen to you. In fact, you will live longer as people said that if you dream of someone dying then that person will eventually have a longer live. I told myself that. Then it hit me. The fact that you have gone for a year hit me. I was down, but being able to see your face in my dreams put a smile on my face. You have actually came into my dreams. Something that I longed for ever since you went away.

Today is 23rd May, your 55th birthday. Happy birthday, Ayah. Thank you for the 22 years you have spent with me, guiding me through life. I love you from the bottom of my heart. And I want you to know that you have never left the place in my heart, for there where you will always be.

Al – Fatihah.

YUSSUFF BIN MANAS

23rd May 1953 – 17th May 2007

Hepi Mummy’s Day!

Posted on by under Emotions Revealed, Kindred and Lineage

Dear Mama,

I hope you have enjoyed this year’s Mother’s day. I’m sorry that two of your children are not at home to celebrate today with you. We’ll make time for it later on.

I’m not sure how you would have feel today. I’m pretty sure you are happy that you have Along and Adik at home with you and that Jaja and I have both given you a call to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. But, I’m sure today brings you a lot of memories of last year. On Mother’s day you took care of both Ayah and Adik who were down with fever. Adik recovered but not Ayah. We lost him a few days later.

I envy the strength you have in bringing us up. I remembered the time when I was having an asthma attack late at night. You brought me to the clinic at four a.m. and when I wasn’t feeling much better, you took me to the hospital a few hours later. You managed that alone when everyone else was fast asleep.

You were strong in dealing with everything that Ayah has left us. You were even stronger when Ayah was admitted into the ICU at that time. You were strong in every word that you said to lift us up when we were feeling down or when we miss Ayah very much. Today, you were the strongest I have seen. And I believe you will be even stronger in each day yet to come.

Mama,

I am proud to have you as my mom and not anyone else. Thank you for all the love and care that you have given us. Thank you for the roof you have put on our head, for making it as cozy and homey as it should be. Thank you for all the clothes, making us look decent and nice every time. Thank you for all the lovely food you have been feeding us. Thank you for everything.

I love you, Mama. You are always in our hearts. And Ayah’s too.

Happy Mother’s Day!

With lots of love,

Alin

Hati yang bulat.

Posted on by under Daily Scribbles, Emotions Revealed
Bulatkan hati. Biar selaras dengan bentuk muka dan bentuk badan sendiri. Hati kena bulat. Tekad. Nekad. Jangan pandang belakang. Terasa bulatan hati goyah dengan sms ibunda? Kuatkan kuda-kuda. Pacak batang pisang jangan biar todak menyerang lagi. Jangan biarkan air mata menitis berjujuran. Cukup sudah 3 hari. Eh, bercucuran lah, berjuraian. Bukan berjujuran. Huks. Kini rasanya sudah tekad dan nekad dengan keputusan yang dibuat. Keputusan yang rasanya macam melibatkan hidup dan mati. Sudah tahu nak membelok ke simpang mana di sebuah persimpangan dilema. Rujukan pon telah dibuat. Jauh nun di Sri Lanka. Rujukan saya pon telah memberikan kata-kata persetujuan, kata-kata perangsang. Lebih tekad rasanya. Tekad? Ya, saya tekad dan nekad. Saya dah isi borang itu. Saya dah letak negeri pilihan penempatan. Saya letak sekali daerah dan kawasan yang saya mahukan dalam catatan tambahan.
Negeri mana jadi pilihan?
Selangor Darul Ehsan.

Kenapa Selangor?
Kerana saya mahu mencuba nasib di tempat baru. Dan kalau boleh, tidak mahu menggunakan kabel yang ada untuk mendapatkan tempat di sesebuah sekolah.

Daerah mana jadi pilihan?
Daerah Kuala Selangor dan Daerah Sabak Bernam.

Kenapa Daerah Kuala Selangor dan Daerah Sabak Bernam?
Kerana saya merasakan kos hidup tidaklah tinggi di kedua-dua kawasan itu. Kawasan itu juga tidak dikongkong oleh urbanisasi (seperti mana Kuala Lumpur) malah tidak lah juga ketinggalan atau terlalu kekampungan. Kedudukan geografi kedua-dua daerah ini adalah di dalam laluan perjalanan Sitiawan-Kuala Lumpur. Lantas, memudahkan saya pulang ke Sitiawan dan juga beronggeng di Kuala Lumpur.

Ada bandar tambahan?
Ada. Shah Alam.

Kenapa Shah Alam?
Tak tahu. Ini saya memang tak tahu. Rujukan saya di Sri Lanka yang mencadangkan Shah Alam dan saya rasa tak ada salahnya kalau saya letak Shah Alam.


Begitulah. Selama 3 hari konflik saya rasakan. Air mata pon banyak yang tumpah. Benda lain boleh pulak tak nangis. Isu negeri pilihan penempatan pulak yang ditangisi. Cis. Dah. Hantar borang tu kat tQa. Biar tiada tangan yang gatal pegi tukar kawasan yang dimahukan. Bukan tangan je yang gatal. Biar tiada fikiran atau perasaan yang bergolak lagi. Sudahlah. Zas.