Quoted in Taiping.

I have just came back from a leadership course in Taiping, Perak. It wasn’t that bad, in fact, I had enjoyed the three-day course after all. The input given was excellent and very useful. The tasks were helpful in developing our understanding of our job scope. The facilitators (IPBA lecturers) were kind and supportive, except for one, which I don’t want to talk about. The place was great. There was no room for us to feel hungry at all, we were fed five times a day. Each and every time, we had a different thing to eat. Heaven.

Of all the sessions, I particularly enjoyed this one session by the oldest and funniest lecturer in IPBA. He gave us some input about leadership and asked us to choose one animal that represent leadership. My group had chosen an elephant along with another group. Other groups had chosen bee, ant, lion and horse. We had to draw the animal on a mahjong paper and later explain why we had chose that particular animal. Being him, he always give funny comments that left us rolling on the floor laughing. And being me, I always jot down the funny things that lecturers of IPBA have said. So, here goes.

He was explaining something about aura that leaders have and that the aura comes from the heart.

‘Dalam diri kita ni ada hati (putting both his hand on his tummy).

On ant:

‘Ant has got many legs…..bagus untuk main bola ye.’

‘Semut boleh angkat berat 10 kali ganda berat dia. Kalau kamu jadi leader semut, maknanya kamu jadi leader angkat berat.’

On firefly:

‘Kecik kunang-kunang ni, kena guna horoskop nak tengok.’

‘Kunang-kunang ni ada cahaya. Burung nak tangkap senanglah….. eeeeeeeee iiiuuuuunnnggggg.’

On lion:

‘Singa ni, hari-hari menghadapi satu cabaran dalam hidup dia iaitu mengejar haiwan lain untuk dijadikan makanan‘.’

Eh, I thought that every animal has to find something to eat and not just lion. Haha. I laughed non-stop during his session. Life was pleasure. True enough, as he gave us this quotation.

‘When work is joy, life is pleasure.’

p/s: If you want to imagine how this lecturer looks like, try to think of Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace The Movie. They definitely look alike.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

‘Getting married is like having a donut in front of you but there are so many barriers that stopped you from getting the donut(Najib, 2008).

Haha. Eleh Najib. At least you already have Soya. Huh.

That’s one quote coming from a man with few words. Well, he used to be one. Thanks to Soya and her wonders. Alah lah. And now, let’s hear from the man with lots of funny quotes. Thanks to an email fowarded by Jaja.

*drum roll*

Dato’ Seri Samy Vellu.

*clap clap*

Samy Vellu on Pos Laju: ‘Besok kirim, hari ini sampai.’

On TV, when he was trying to say that he was ashamed: ‘Kemaluan saya besar.’

During a public talk:
SV: ‘Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orang-orang kampung di sini.”
Pak cik: ‘Dato’, di sini tiada sungai, buat apa bina jambatan?’
SV: ‘Kalau takde sungai, kita bina sungai!’

He’s favourite quotes on national television: ‘Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah?!’

During a water crisis: ‘Semua orang diminta jangan membuang aiyerrr..!’

On social problems among youngsters: ‘Orang-orang muda sekarang banyak hisap dada.’

During a blood donation campaign in Sg Siput: ‘Marilah kita semua menderma dara.’

In his speech in different functions: ‘Selamat datang saudara-mara semua.’

During the height of the Al-Arqam saga: ‘Saya gembira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes Arqam.’

In an opening ceremony: ‘Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik ke pentas untuk membuka kain.’

Commenting about his modesty (again): ‘Sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar.’

On PAN:
SV: ‘Kita sudah berjaya hantar satu astronout ke ISS. Selepas ini kita hantar dia ke matahari pula.’
Reporter: ‘Tapi Dato’, bagaimana kita nak lakukannya?’
SV: ‘Kita hantar dia pada waktu malam.’

On squatters area:
Someone: ‘Dato’, kawasan itu tiada bekalan elektrik.’
SV: ‘Takpa, kita kasi api sama dia!’

Go ahead. Laugh out loud. Hahahahaha. Laughter is surely is the best medicine.

Announcement and Giant

My sisters and I went to Giant today. As soon as we got out of the car, this is what we heard.

Announcer: Attention staff from the ladies depart. Staff from the ladies depart.
The three of us: Aaa? Depart? Ape tu? Hahahaha.
Announcer: Attention staff from the ladies depart.
The three of us: Hahahahahaha.
Me: Depart pegi mane ni weh?

And this, when we got out of Giant.

Me: Takde announcement ke ni? Hahaha.
In an instant.
Announcer: Attention staff from the cashier depart. Mr F****** from cashier depart.
Jaja: Haa tu. Hahahahahaha. Nak sangat.

And I remember the time Jaja and I went there a few months ago.

Announcer: Attention to all customer, Giant will be opened until twels midnights tonight.
Both of us: Twels midnights? Hahahaha.

No, I didn’t mean to laugh. But come to think of it, you need to make announcement using the right words and the right pronounciation. Depart, maybe a short one for department. But depart has another meaning. And, twels midnights? I just can’t help but to laugh.

Laugh laugh.

Despite of today’s busy-ness and hanginness, I had a good laugh during the Professional Development lecture by Dr. Rajagopal.

‘If an engineer made a mistake, only one building will collapse. Look at MRR2.’

Haha. Sir, MRR2 is not a building.

‘Whatever you’ve learnt in England, New Zealand and Auckland.’

Haha. Sir, Auckland is in New Zealand. I know you wanted to say Australia.

‘GU is kegelapan and RU is cahaya. So, guru means dari kegelapan kepada keceriaan.’

Haha. Sir, it’s kecerahan and not keceriaan.

Of which he answered, ‘Never mind lah. You all understand me, don’t you.’

Haha.

And, I still couldn’t understand why more than half of the students did not find these amusing and bermuka ketat during the lecture. Have a bit of fun in your life, boleh tak?