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Today, 17th January 2007, marks the eight month since the day that Allah took Ayah’s life. Time really flies. It felt like yesterday that I received the news that he was admitted to the hospital. It felt like yesterday that I was allowed to go home to see my family, full expenses paid by Marjon. It felt like yesterday that relatives are afraid to tell me the bad news as soon as I landed. It felt like yesterday that I visited his grave for the first time and cried. It felt like yesterday that I visited his grave every weekend. It felt like yesterday that I helped Mama to placed the tombstone on his grave. It felt like yesterday that I helped to plant some orchids next to the tombstone. It felt like yesterday that I scattered flowers and pandan leaves on the grave. It felt like yesterday that I cried because he was not there to celebrate my birthday. It felt like yesterday that I held a tahlil for him. Everything felt like they have just happened just the day before. But, all these things happened in the course of eight months. I still have not visit his grave since I came back although this was the first thing that I wanted to do.I really wished that I had done so during the one week I was at home now that I’m missing him very much. It hurts when mama said that she dreamt of him sometimes. It hurts when Jaja said that he came into her dreams. He had never come into mine. If I had just one wish, I wish that he will come into my dream, even for a short while. I wanted to see him very much, for I am missing him dearly.