Kangen

Kut’rima suratmu t’lah kubaca dan aku mengerti
Betapa merindunya dirimu akan hadirnya diriku
Di dalam hari-harimu bersama lagi

Kau tanyakan padaku kapan aku akan kembali lagi
Katamu kau tak kuasa melawan gejolak di dalam dada
Yang membara menahan rasa pertemuan kita nanti
Saat bersama dirimu

Semua kata rindumu semakin membuatku tak berdaya
Menahan rasa ingin jumpa
Percayalah padaku aku pun rindu kamu
Ku akan pulang melepas semua kerinduan yang terpendam

Kau tuliskan padaku kata cinta yang manis dalam suratmu
Kau katakan padaku saat ini ku ingin hangat pelukmu
Dan belai lembut kasihmu tak kan ku lupa s’lamanya
Saat kau ada disisiku

Jangan katakan cinta
Menambah beban rasa
Sudah simpan saja sedihmu itu
Ku akan datang, oh..

My New Baby.

I saw it for the first time somewhere in early February. It caught my eyes that I took it from the display and walk around the boutique with it in my hand. A few rounds of posings in front of the mirror to see whether it suits me or not. I was contemplating. You see, money was an issue at that time, I had not received my allowance yet and I was surviving on the leftovers that I brought home from UK. It was only RM129. You can say only, but at that time RM129 is considered a lot. At last, I put it back to its place and walked out of the boutique with a heavy heart. Each and every time I went to the boutique, be it in One Utama or The Curve, I’ll be looking for the same thing. Even if I just walked pass the boutique, my eyes will take a peek inside. Since then, I have never saw it again. Till today. I was browsing in Subang Parade’s Parkson with Adam when I saw that Liz Claiborne is having a sale. And guess what? It is on discount. The same thing here in Subang Parade. 20% of the normal price. RM103.20. So, after parading it around the Liz Claiborne area, asking of opinions from Jaja and Adam, I bought it. And happy I was for today.

Yeah. It’s a handbag. My new baby is a handbag. One that I have been wanting for months. Haha. Since it’s just a small-and-not-so-expensive satchel, I’ll consider this as a practice of holding this I-don’t-have-the-money- to-buy-this-maybe-I’ll-request-this-for-my-hantaran satchel. (OK, I think all guys are running away from me in a flash. Zas. Haha.) Ala-ala berangan bawak this handbag.

LV Mini Lin Croisette Speedy 30

Boleh tak? Boleh la kan. :p

A nanny who needs idea.

I am currently a full-time nanny with Cikgu Saghah while Jaja is doing it part-time. This current position will last for about two weeks. So, I’ll be spending my three weeks holiday here in KL. We are looking after our three cousins whose parents are performing Umrah with Mama, Arep, Atok, Nenek, Pak Ngah and Mak Ngah. I am fully responsible of Adam, the youngest one of the three siblings. It seems that Adam has to swallow the fact that I am his guardian although he wishes that he gets somebody else to be his guardian. The reason for not wanting me is this:

Pak Cu: Adam, Adam nak tido dengan Kak Long ke, Kak Jaja ke or Kak Alin?

Adam: Kak Jaja.

Pak Cu: Kenapa tak nak Kak Alin? Tido dengan Kak Alin mesti best. Macam pillow.

Adam: Nanti kalau Kak Alin himpit Adam waktu tido, macam mana Adam nak breathe.

Right. Whatever. Aku debab. Yeah, whatever. You can say whatever you want, and still look cute. Haha.

Anyway, can someone suggest some ideas on topics for me to blog? It seems that I can’t find anything interesting to be written about or reflected on.

Selamat Hari Jadi V

[1] In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

[2] Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;

[3] Most Gracious, Most Merciful;

[4] Master of the Day of Judgment.

[5] Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek,

[6] Show us the straight way,

[7] The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

Dear Ayah,

Things are definitely different without you being here with us. Last Saturday was exactly a year. I wanted to write about you, but I can’t bring myself to do so.

You know, Ayah, there are so many things that I wanted to tell you. Two weeks ago, I’ve sat for my exams and there will be no more exams after this. I cried as I handed in the last paper. I cried because you were not there to witness, or to be told that I have finished the exams. I am used to calling you after exams saying that I’m done with them. Hence, not being able to do so bring tears to my eyes. I will start my practicum somewhere at the end of next month. I have been placed at a school in TTDI. It seems far, but I’ll think we’ll manage. I’ve reminded myself to perform during practicum. I must at least impress my students or the school. And then impress you, and make you proud of me.

As for today, I have just finished a cricket course and will receive a coaching certificate. Which means, I am qualified to coach students. Matches were played under the hot sun to put into practise what we have learned and my team won, Ayah. I finally hit some bowls during the finals and scored some points for my team. The other team was trying to be psychotic with me, not the whole team, but some particular people. But that didn’t put my spirit down. I was even more determined to play. I bowled harder, I gave them a fast ball. I hit their wicket. One batsman down. I gave them another good bowl. It hit their bat, and off they go. Out of the game even before their over is up. Guess what, in all three matches that I played, I hit the opponent’s wicket. Put them down straight away. My arms and shoulders hurt, but it was all worth it.

I’ve chosen my posting area. If luck is on my side, I’ll get a school in the area I’ve requested. I was confused and lost when I need to decide the area. I cried a few times, for I believed that nobody understand the reasons why I choose that area. Assumptions were made, Ayah. And I was sad, disappointed. I have my own reasons. I’ve clearly stated them. But in the end, they said that I have another reason for choosing those areas. A reason which has never crossed my mind. And that hurts even more. If you were still here, you would have given me the strength and support, and you would approve my decisions. I would have you to defend the things I did. But I understand that it is not the same anymore. It won’t be the same.

Ayah, I miss you a lot. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. The other day, I dreamt about you. I was talking to you, I was telling you about what’s been happening in my life. You were smiling as you listened. Then, you lost it. You died. I woke up in a shock. I told myself that you are still alive and nothing bad is going to happen to you. In fact, you will live longer as people said that if you dream of someone dying then that person will eventually have a longer live. I told myself that. Then it hit me. The fact that you have gone for a year hit me. I was down, but being able to see your face in my dreams put a smile on my face. You have actually came into my dreams. Something that I longed for ever since you went away.

Today is 23rd May, your 55th birthday. Happy birthday, Ayah. Thank you for the 22 years you have spent with me, guiding me through life. I love you from the bottom of my heart. And I want you to know that you have never left the place in my heart, for there where you will always be.

Al – Fatihah.

YUSSUFF BIN MANAS

23rd May 1953 – 17th May 2007

Selamat Hari Guru.

Mulanya malas nak mengarang entri sempena Hari Guru. Tapi bila tengok ramai pulak yang menulis-nulis, rasa macam best pulak. Apa kata kalau tulis je sekali satu entri sempena Hari Guru ni kan. Takde salahnya mana pon.

Bila sebut pasal Hari Guru ni, mula lah terjah memori zaman sekolah dulu. Beria-ia belikan pen. Kadang-kadang beli sampai sepuluh, ye lah ade sepuluh cikgu yang mengajar. Kalau tak bagi kat seorang, takut terasa hatinya. Pen murah-murah je beli. Dulu mana ada duit kan. Pen kilometrico pon dah memadai. Beli satu wrapper yang simple kemudian balut. Selalunya pen warna merah. Sebab cikgu kan banyak pakai pen warna merah. Nak buat tanda buku. Bile besar sikit dah, dah pandai kumpul duit atau duit belanja dah naik sikit, advance sikit hadiahnya, bekas letak pen pula. Kadang-kadang kat tepi bekas ni ade frame gambar. Buat dari kayu, yang dicat kaler coklat gelap kadang kala hitam warnanya. Ini kalau yang mahal, kalau kewangan tak mengizinkan, beli yang ade laci-laci buat dari plastik tu je. Bila balut nampak hadiahnya grand sikit, sebab hadiah duduk dalam kotak. Hanya bagi kat guru kelas je kebiasaannya ataupun cikgu yang paling rapat sekali. Ye lah takkan nak beli kat semua, mana cukup duitnya.

Bila dah masuk sekolah menengah, dah bijak la sikit beli hadiah kan. Kadang-bagi kad, bagi bunga. Kongsi dengan kawan-kawan jikalau hadiah tu mahal. Bila masuk Tingkatan 4 atau 5, kongsi satu kelas terus, beli kain baju kurung, tudung dengan brooch yang matching. Teringat dulu, ada dua orang je budak Melayu perempuan dalam kelas. Bila bab kena beli hadiah je, tak lain tak bukan sayalah orangnye. Kenapa? Sebab guru kelasnya Melayu. Yang budak Cina India selebihnya ni takut beli hadiah nanti cikgu tak kenan. Kemudiannya, bila sambutan Hari Guru, bila bahagian murid naik atas pentas, bagi cikgu hadiah, saya jugaklah orangnya. Kenapa? Sebab saya kan yang beli balut hadiah tu segala bagai. Sayalah yang uruskannya sampai ke ujung. Sampai ke tangan cikgu tu.

Mak saya mengajar lagi sampai sekarang, tapi bila diingat-ingat dan dikenang-kenang, waktu zaman sekolah rendah ke menengah ke dulu, saya selalu beria cari hadiah kat cikgu-cikgu yang mengajar saya. Meredah panas berjalan ke bilik guru semata nak ucap Selamat Hari Guru, Cikgu. Tapi macam tak pernah nak ucap benda yang sama kat mak sendiri. Belikan hadiah jauh lah sangat kalau wish pon tidak kan. Cuma sekarang je wish. Sebab sendiri pon nak jadik cikgu. Tahun depan start pegang title cikgu. Dengan harapan, bila wish kat mak Selamat Hari Guru, dapat balik balasannya. Selamat Hari Guru juga ye. Buruk benar perangai. Padahal, kalau nak ikutkan, sebelum kita pegi sekolah, mak kita lah yang ajar ABC, alif ba ta, one two three, siji loro telu papat limo, segala bagai kan. Kalau mak saya, lepas dia ajar ABC, bila tolong dia kat dapur, dapat lesson lain di dapur. ‘Pinggan ni masukkan dulu dalam almari’. ‘Macam ni susun telur dalam peti ais, yang tajam kat bawah.’ ‘Clearkan dulu dapur sebelum masak.’ Haa, begitulah mak saya, kat sekolah ajar anak orang Ekonomi Rumahtangga. Kat rumah, ajar anak sendiri pulak. Takde bezanya kat sekolah dengan di rumah. Haha.

Pagi tadi ada sambutan Hari Guru peringkat IPBA anjuran Cohort Two, batch saya lah tu. Grand lah jugak. Ada sukaneka main-main game dengan pelajar dulu sebelum berhimpun. Seronok tengok perangai lecturer ni di luar kelas. Sama je macam pelajar-pelajar. Lalu sebelah, ‘What is this?’ ‘Oh, it’s a game of win, lose or draw. Would you like to join? You have to find a team first.’ ‘OK, I’m taking this two lecturers with me.’ Oh senangnye, sporting amat. Terlompat-lompat kalahkan pelajar bila dapat teka. Bila perhimpunan mula, ada perarakan masuk tuan pengarah bersama lecturer semua. Senyum semua bila diberikan bunga ros. Pengarah pon suka. Ada bacaan watikah dari Menteri Pelajaran. Ada ucapan tuan pengarah, biasalah kan. Isi ucapannya pon hebat. Teachers have a hand in nation building. Oh setuju amat. Ada bacaan ikrar. Semangat sudah. Kemudian, nyanyikan Kami Guru Malaysia. Haaaaa, yang ini semangat sangat. Membara. Tak sangka. Semua berikan tepukan kepada diri sendiri seusai nyanyi. Bangga dengan semangat yang ada la tu. Kemudian ada choral speaking. Skripnya handal juga. Terharu bila dengar. Kemudian ada bacaan sajak. Ini pon terharu jugak. Pasal kegigihan cikgu-cikgu dalam mengajar. Ada juga tayangan video. Semuanya handal-handal lah. Habis majlis dalam masa yang ditetapkan. Hebat. Jarang dibuat pelajar IPBA. Tahniah.

Panjang pula entri ni. Ok ok, ini isi terakhir. Isi terakhir saya dedikasi kepada cikgu-cikgu yang pernah mengajar, yang tak pernah mengajar, yang kenal saya, yang tak kenal pon boleh, yang tengah tunggu masa nak pencen mahupun yang dah pencen, yang nak jadi cikgu tahun depan atau tahun yang mendatang. Asalkan ade cikgu kat mana-mana kira valid lah. Yang bukan cikgu tapi mengajar cikgu-cikgu pon boleh. Saya nak ucapkan Selamat Hari Guru kepada semua. Terima kasih atas segala curahan ilmu dan kasih sayang yang telah diberikan. Moga ilmu yang telah dapat, ataupun yang bakal dicurahkan bermanfaat untuk saya dan untuk semua. Sayangilah cikgu anda. Tanpa cikgu siapalah saya sekarang ni. Terima kasih cikgu.

Tahun depan saya jadi cikgu. Saya tunggu lah pula murid-murid ulang balik kata-kata ni kat saya. Bakal ada hadiah mungkin, kalau saya tak garang atau saiko sangat kat bakal anak murid saya nanti. Haha. Akhir kata, guru cemerlang, negara terbilang.

Selamat Hari Guru.

Sekian, terima kasih.